The Evolution of Weapon Control


You'll put your eye out with that!

by Kyle Tucker

Quite a long time ago in a warm part of the world, a group of hairy manlike apes were foraging in the forest. One of the males, a stubborn testosterone driven beast, was playing with a rock when he noticed that with practice he could hurl the rock with great accuracy. This little game became quite serious one day when he noticed a deadly snake about to descend down on a newborn. Reaching down he picked up a rock, hurled it forty feet toward the tree, hitting the snake right in the head, instantly killing and crushing it. The lifeless snake fell from the tree into the midst of the troop.

Instantly there was uproar. Never before in the history of time, was an ape the hunter of snakes. Now able to scare or kill its prey at a distance, apes could now stand tall. Luckily some of the more sensible, (and most likely more evolved) creatures realized the ramifications. Rocks are deadly and dangerous things; you most likely would poke your eye out, or kill someone with one. After much discussion a few of the leaders decided that the only thing that an evolved ape could do was to outlaw and bury all the dangerous rocks they could find. Thereby protecting society from harm.