John's Jokes

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there.
He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the
doormat.  He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field.

Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens
it up and no one is there.  He looks all around, and he finally sees the little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail says,

"What the fuck was that all about?"

>  Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or
>  playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself
> too
> hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
>  The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave, how ya
>  doin?”
>  His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh
>  no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
>  When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual
>  Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must
>  here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser”.
>  “No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with
>  them.”
>  A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.

>  “Hi Davey,” she says, “Want your usual table dance?”
>  Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

>  Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam
>  door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The
> turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch
> Dave.”

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this
problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never
smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20
times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting
because they didn’t smell and were silent.” The doctor says,“I see.
Take these pills and come back to see me next week.” The next> week
the little old lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the
heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent, stink
terribly.” “Good,” the doctor said, “Now that we’ve cleared up your
sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”