John's Jokes
A guy hears a knocking on his
door. He opens it up, and no one is there.
He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on
the
doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street
into a field.
Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door.
He opens
it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he
finally sees the little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail
says,
"What the fuck was that all
about?"
> Dave works hard at
the plant and spends most evenings bowling or
> playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is
pushing himself
> too
> hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip
club.
> The doorman at the club greets them and says,
“Hey, Dave, how ya
> doin?”
> His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this
club before. “Oh
> no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling
team.”
> When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if
he’d like his usual
> Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and
says, “You must
come
> here a lot for that woman to know you drink
Budweiser”.
> “No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling
League. We share lanes with
> them.”
> A stripper comes over to their table and throws her
arms around Dave.
> “Hi Davey,” she says, “Want your usual
table dance?”
> Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and
storms out of the club.
> Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before
she can slam
the
> door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming
at him. The
cabby
> turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a
real bitch
tonight,
> Dave.”
A little old lady goes to the
doctor and says, “Doctor I have this
problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much.
They never
smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve
farted at least 20
times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t
know I was farting
because they didn’t smell and were silent.” The doctor
says,“I see.
Take these pills and come back to see me next week.” The
next> week
the little old lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says,
“I don’t know what the
heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent, stink
terribly.” “Good,” the doctor said, “Now that
we’ve cleared up your
sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”