Alleged article from the L.A. Times:

ahand.gif (14265 bytes)

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake.  But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil, " Eric Tomazewski told bemused doctors in
the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.  Tomaszewski and his
homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum had been admitted for emergency
treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.  "I pushed a
cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in" he
explained.  "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon," my cue that he'd
had enough.  I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't comeout again, so
I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might
attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman
described what happened next.  "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal
gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair
and severely burning his face.  It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and
whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the
intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."  Tomaszewski
suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the
gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus
and lower intestinal tract

More Stupidity